If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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