Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
