just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
