I feel like abortions should bother me more
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
