Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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