just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
