toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
