I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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