im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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