Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
