ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
