I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
