So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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