to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
