Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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