Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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