im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
