I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
