i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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