Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
