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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct

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• (909): View more from California

  I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  But you'll make an exception

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  probably not

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry

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  I wondered why I slept in the front room

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I was not expecting that analogy.

  (360): View more from Washington

  No one ever expects that analogy.

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• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.

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