So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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