We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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