this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
