I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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