note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
