Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When did angry sex become our thing?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
