Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
