I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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