just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I would ride that face into the sunset
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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