I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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