drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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