there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
