Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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