gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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