No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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