The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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