I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
