Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
