She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
