Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
