a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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