I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
