I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
