I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
