For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
