I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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