you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
