i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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