I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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