You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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