I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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