Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
