there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
