when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
