she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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