he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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