3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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