i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's shark week go big or go home
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
