so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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