So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
