lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
