If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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