so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
