i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
