my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
